«I am aware that, even today, the sacrifice that is required of a woman who wants to become a mother but still aspires to have a career is far greater than what is required of a man in the same situation. But we should no longer think that it is impossible»
Career and family, is it really still impossible for a woman?
Impossible? No. Challenging? Definitely. Fortunately, we live in a time when the role of women has changed quite a bit. Women no longer have to choose between family and career but can decide to experience the joy of becoming a mother while still pursuing their ambitions and professional fulfillment. The ingredients of this recipe that until recently seemed impossible to achieve are, without a doubt, a lot of organization, a pinch of tenacity and a good dose of luck.
Does a woman who has a family need to be more organised? It is obvious. In her agenda there are not only business meetings but also children’s visits, school meetings, recitals, illnesses, last-minute unforeseen events, miscellaneous. Often, nothing can be postponed. They could object that you do not have to be always present, that there are nannies… but I prefer not to answer this objection, otherwise we go back to the view that women have to choose between career and family.
Why do I talk about tenacity? The workload of a woman/mother is definitely demanding. There must therefore be a great deal of will power to carry out all the tasks. Ideally, the days should be extended from 24 to 36 hours, but they cannot. So, it takes a bit of wit and a lot of willpower to keep all the cogs turning.
By “luck” I mean surrounding yourself with people who share this vision, not only at home but also in the workplace. On the home side, having a partner who, on the one hand, lives parenthood on an equal footing by abandoning the legacy whereby the woman’s role in the family is primary and absolutely irreplaceable, and, on the other hand, shares his partner’s professional ambitions and expectations, allows for a re-balancing of responsibilities in the family, enabling the woman to be able to also focus on her career without the guilt of “having abandoned the family”. On the professional side, working in an environment in which it is clear that a woman cannot be disadvantaged merely because, for obvious biological reasons, she phisically undergoes maternity herself, makes it possible not to turn this event into a black marker that stains a woman’s career or at least slows it down.
In this process, the pandemic has helped a great deal as it has made it possible to experiment with a new way of working (I am referring to working from home) which certainly facilitates family management. Not only, however, when it is the woman who works from home, but also, and this is the more “enlightened” view, when it is the other parent who works from home.
Let us come to my experience. I am a lawyer (therefore an independent professional) and have been a mother for almost 7 months. I was lucky enough to have a pregnancy that allowed me to work until the last moment. After the birth, I had the opportunity to stay at home and only manage the work I felt I could do for as long as I felt necessary. Having been supported in this choice, in every respect, by LCA’s partners was fundamental in allowing me to live an extremely delicate moment with the utmost serenity. I don’t deny that the fear that motherhood could turn into a career trade-off still exists, but I am hopeful and optimistic. I am aware of the fact that, even today, the sacrifice that is required of a woman who wants to become a mother but still aspires to have a career is far greater than that required of a man in the same situation. But as I said before, we should no longer think that it is “impossible”. Maybe we’ll meet again in a few years for a follow-up.
Besides being “nice and good”, what skills are required of women?
In the professional field in which I work, the male bias is still very much ingrained. Top positions, both within large law firms and in the client organisation (mainly companies), are still 90% held by men. Managing partners and partners in law firms, as well as the managerial figures in most Italian, but also international, businesses, are still mainly male figures. I am not saying that there are no exceptions, but they are indeed exceptions.
In this context you still perceive the idea that since a man “has risen to the top”, he is better or in any case a more reliable interlocutor than a woman.
In order to overcome this view and break down this wall, the woman is required to be, for the same role, smarter, more resourceful and more competent than a male peer. Put simply, the woman has to make an extra effort to gain the trust of her interlocutor and to prove that she is up to the task and professionally capable of protecting the client’s interests on a par with a male colleague. Once respect and trust have been earned, however, it is all downhill.
Another issue is related to origination. In our sector, men have quite an advantage in business development. In a predominantly male context, in fact, creating or joining specific networks in order to cultivate relationships that can then also have a professional implication is not always easy for women. Having the ability to originate new job opportunities, however, goes hand in hand with professional growth: it is a requirement that is increasingly demanded. We are therefore faced with a simple question: what can a woman do to be competitive? Without making it trivial, the main effort that women are asked to make is therefore aimed at finding a valid “female” alternative to the classic (and perhaps stereotypical) chat over a glass of scotch after a board meeting or the typical afternoon playing golf with the CEO of a large company.
Gender gap / gender pay gap, if we were equal we wouldn’t be talking about it, would we? Why is that?
Unfortunately, if we talk about it it means it exists. However, I think this is a legacy that we carry with us but that will fade away over the years. To overcome the wage gap, however, we must overcome the notion that top positions are reserved for men. This is still the case today as the result of an inheritance that saw women forced to give up their careers in order to manage families and raise children. Within this framework, clearly, it was men who had careers and were therefore reserved for the top positions, the ones where decisions are made. If this were not the case, the newspapers of the past months would not have felt the need to publish on their front pages ‘In Italy, the first female premier’. When will things change? Over time, when in top management teams the male/female proportion will be more balanced. And we are not too far from that moment. The conception of the family is changing and women’s awareness that they can reach the top is growing. And women have all the characteristics to get where they want to go (men, tremble… joking). When the balance is more stable, the gender gap will be overcome, decisions from the top will be made by a heterogeneous group and then, hopefully, the gender pay gap will no longer have any reason to exist.
An excerpt of the interview for Dealflower.
